I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
