Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
