Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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