Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
