I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
