There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
