I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
