i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
