when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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