she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
