So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
