He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
