I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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