i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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