You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
