There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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