This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
