I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
