my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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