I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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