if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
