..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Need sex. Gaining weight.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
