So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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