Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
