she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
