His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
