It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
