did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
