haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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