billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
