I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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