I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
