I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
