i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
