Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
