i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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