I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
