I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
