I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
