so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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