Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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