she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
