anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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