My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
