People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
