Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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