One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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