And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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