I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
