We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
