so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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