he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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