Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
